Small Houses Are Healthier for Children and Teens

"In one way or another, the challenges of prosperity
come up in about 40 percent of the cases I see."
- Cheryl Rampage, Senior Vice President of The Family Institute as quoted in Privileged, by Penelope Mesic, November 2008 NORTHSHOREMAG.COM

In the Spring 2008 edition of Jewel Box™ Living, I discussed the benefits of small home living as a healthy lifestyle choice. Building and maintaining close relationships with family and friends is widely documented as a critical factor in fostering good physical and mental health throughout life.

Research now finds that small home living is especially good for teens. A recent article in Chicago's NorthShore magazine, focused on the privileged life many teens lead in Chicago's wealthy northern suburbs and the growing number of adolescents who are collapsing under the weight of their advantages. The risk factor for these young people is something that most regard as a benefit - affluence and all the possesions that come with it, particularly the larger house.

Here is an excerpt from this fascinating article:

In fact, the wealthier the child, the more likely to feel estranged. This matters because the best predictor for healthy adjustment is closeness to one's parents, and the reverse is a warning sign for drug and alcohol use, anxiety and depression. And when these problems emerge in high school they may predict a lifelong vulnerability in adulthood.

One way that affluence plays a part, Rampage says, is that "closeness" has a literal component. A less-prosperous family usually shares a smaller space. Parents can see or hear when a child is upset or sad. Children can tell when their parents are worried and have a better sense of their family's problems. The child is more likely to contribute, and the child's contributions are more likely to be valued, which creates a sense of worth and responsibility.

A middle-class family may really need a teenage son or daughter to clean house or to baby-sit and make a meal for younger siblings or to have a job to save money for college. An affluent teen may have no reason to do chores or cook dinner. After all, there are people around who are paid to do those things. Another contributing factor is the affluent teen with his or her own room, bath, TV, computer, telephone and car doesn't have to compromise about who will use the car when, or learn to take turns choosing what's on television, or negotiate about who takes the first shower.

From the parental point of view, to have your child live in a parallel universe may seem entirely positive. Your Audi won't come back from basketball practice with a crumpled rear bumper. You won't spend most of Nova arguing with a 14-year-old who would rather watch Spiderman III. You can read The New York Times "Style" section without having to listen to Radiohead. But even irksome contacts can foster closeness and promote the skills your child needs, including the ability to compromise, negotiate, accommodate others and take care of belongings.

"In a smaller space you witness each other's moods and interests," says Sachs Alter. "You take turns, enjoy each other's company."

The complete article can be found at NORTHSHOREMAG.COM.

The moral to this story? Make children share a bedroom. Its good for them!

Until next time,

Genevieve

The Jewel Box™Home: What's for dinner?

Thursday Night Dinner

Flank Steak
Risotto with Asparagus
Red and Yellow Tomatoes with Basil and Olive Oil

One of the greatest joys of small home living is the time "freed up" for the daily rituals that bring friends and especially family together. In our home, an important part of the day is dinner. Most nights we sit down to eat as a family and often one of the boys will have a friend join us.

Our dinners are simple, but simple is not the same thing as quick. I don't care how fast Rachel Ray can whip up a meal, it takes time to make something that tastes good. I usually spend at least one hour or more in the kitchen. That does not mean, however, that I am slaving away. Making dinner is not about racing to put food on the table. I cook at a leisurely pace and the boys stop in grab a snack and chat, or my husband joins me to share a glass of wine.

Still, don't get the wrong idea and picture this perfect family sitting down to dinner. The reality is that I dirty a lot of dishes when I cook, one of the boys usually doesn't like what I make and someone is always complaining about school or work. And don't forget that my husband is Italian, so our dinner conversations often border on yelling.

Yet the routine of making a meal and eating together is an important way in which we connect as a family. So what do I make at dinner time? Monday is reserved for fish, Tuesday is pasta, Wednesday is Chicken, Thursday is beef or pork and Friday is pasta again or pizza. I usually don't plan weekend meals in advance.

The dinner pictured above is a family favorite - Flank steak, risotto with asparagus and red and yellow tomatoes with fresh basil and olive oil. The tomatoes and basil are from my garden. I like the look and flavor of the sweet yellow tomatoes combined with the sharper taste of the red variety. Let me know if you would like the recipes.

Until next time,

Genevieve

Choosing a Dog for a Smaller Home

"Buddy" our dog

For me a house becomes a home when you add one set of four legs, a happy tail, and that indescribable measure of love that we call a dog. - Roger Caras

I grew up with dogs and love most breeds - big and small, high energy dynamos and calm couch potatoes. But even though my children begged for a dog, we did not get one until my older son was twelve. Why not? Smaller homes and dogs are not always a good mix. When space is already limited, how do you squeeze in a dog? Where will it sleep, where do you put the dog crate, food and water bowl and doggie bed? And what about those muddy paws during bad weather, the shedding fur and the commotion a dog causes? My dogs growing up were big lovable mutts that ran around outside all day and flopped down in front of the fireplace at night. This would never work in a smaller home with a tiny backyard and neighborhood leash laws.

In the end, I could not live without a dog. So after many years of research and countless visits to dog shows and breeders, we adopted a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. This is a quiet, calm smaller breed that is both a good family dog and nine-to-five dog; so he is perfectly content at home while we are away at work and school.

What I found out along the way to bringing Buddy into our lives, is that there are several dog breeds - big and small - that fit beautifully into a smaller home. The key is to find a breed that is calm with low to moderate exercise needs. These dogs tend to be comfortable in smaller spaces and less likely to do damage to your home. Some breeds to consider are:

• English Cocker Spaniels - These dogs are 15-17 inches in height and weigh 26 to 34 pounds. Because they are not as popular as cocker spaniels, inbreeding problems have mostly been avoided. This dog is a wonderful family companion that is eager to please.
• Greyhounds - This is a big dog weighing 60 to 70 pounds and measuring 26 to 30 inches in height. Quiet, clean and sweet, this is a lovely dog for people who want a larger breed. And surprisingly, the exercise requirements for this breed are more than manageable, a twenty minute walk once or twice a day is often enough. Another plus is that many greyhounds are available as rescue dogs from racing tracks.
  
• Pugs - This is a great all around dog. A very manageable size, 10-11 inches and 14 to 18 pounds, this breed is a charming companion that loves adults and children alike. Underneath that wrinkled face is a heart of gold.

Why aren't labradors and golden retrievers on the list? Both breeds are great dogs, but these are high energy animals that demand a great deal of exercise and likely will find a smaller home confining. Of course, if you have the time for at least one two hour run a day, by all means consider either of these breeds.

A wonderful resource for choosing the right dog is Paws to Consider by Brian Kilcommons and Sarah Wilson.

Until next time,

Genevieve

The Smaller Home as a Healing Sanctuary

Our homes are our sanctuaries. It's where we take our safety and security when something threatens us. ~ Tim Donohoe

I recently learned that my father is very ill. He makes his home out of state, and next week I will visit him. What does this have to do with living in a smaller home? During times of stress and difficulty, it is a comfort to know that because of its smaller size, my house does not need constant attention. It still looks presentable even if I don't manage to keep up with weekly cleaning. Because it requires less maintenance than a large house, my smaller home gives me room to breathe and time to recover, when other parts of my life are in crisis. I can also experience the calming benefits of time alone, but still hear the voices of my boys and husband downstairs, a welcome reminder that family is nearby.

Until next time,

Genevieve

Top Ten Reasons to Live in a Smaller Home

Who says you need a big house?
- My son Marc Ferraro at 12 years old asking me why I was obsessed with moving to a bigger house

As many of you who read this blog know, two years ago I was knee deep in big-house envy. And I'm embarassed to admit, but it touched practically every area of my life, including my relationship with my sons. I was convinced that they needed a larger house for their mental and physical health - separate bedrooms with separate study areas, a bathroom of their own to share, or better yet, a separate bathroom for each boy. This would give them their own space, they would be better students because they were more organized. They wouldn't keep each other up at night so they would get more sleep and be healthier. And when one of them was sick, it was less likely to spread across the shared bedroom to my other son.

Anyway, I complained about this endlessly and of course they both heard me. One day Marc had enough. He turned to face me and forcefully blurted out, "Who says you need a big house?" After I recovered from the shock of hearing him say this - up to that point both boys had humored my dream home fantasies - I said, "I want things to be better for my family, especially you boys". I will never forget what he said next, "Mom we don't care about the house. We like it here and don't want to move. This, is your problem and we are tired of hearing about it". This from a 12-year-old!

After feeling somewhat betrayed by my own son, and walking out of the room in a bit of snit - even though I'm middle-aged I can still throw a calculated fit like a pro - I slowly came to my senses and realized that my son was right. This was about me and what society advertised as important for a good life.

So why should anyone not only feel good about, but celebrate living in a smaller home? Here are the top ten reasons:

TOP TEN REASONS TO LIVE IN A SMALLER HOME

1. Greater Financial Freedom. Super-sized houses come with hefty mortgages. Factor in property taxes, homeowner’s insurance, utility bills and maintenance costs, and most of your paycheck quickly goes into housing expenses. Buying a smaller home leaves more money for other investments and activities you enjoy.
   
2. Less Maintenance. Big homes mean more space, more rooms, bigger lawns – all of which add up to more work. Choosing a smaller home gives you more time to do things you and your family enjoy.
3. Closer Family Ties. Families living in a smaller home naturally learn to respect each other’s needs and wants. Children also learn the important life skill of how to share personal and communal living space.
4. More Comfort. Most big houses are focused on size, not livability. The advantage of a smaller home is that living spaces are built to human scale. Rooms feel cozier, warmer and more inviting. Human needs take priority.
5. Less Intimidating. The upside to a big house is having an impressive place to live. Larger houses make a grand display of space and luxury appointments. But this can be intimidating to guests and sometimes even younger family members. In a smaller home common areas are warm and inviting, retreat areas are relaxing and calm.
6. The “Green” Advantage. Smaller homes have a smaller footprint. Fewer rooms and less space mean fewer resources are used for heating, cooling and lighting. Owning a smaller home is a great way to be responsible environmental citizen.
7. Functional, Efficient Living Space. Because of their large volumes of space, many rooms in bigger houses aren’t used efficiently. This is especially true of formal dining rooms, oversized great rooms and two-story foyers. The functional layout of space in smaller homes allows the daily rhythms of life to flow more easily and naturally.
8. Bigger Homes Don’t Necessarily Make You Happier. Many people think moving up to a bigger house will make them happier. But that happiness is never fully realized or is short-lived. Why? A larger home comes with a bigger mortgage and more upkeep. Nor does a bigger house necessarily satisfy more of our needs.
9. More money for Education. A lower monthly mortgage payment means more money is available for education. This is especially helpful for families with college age children, but also gives adults the freedom to return to school and change careers or explore other opportunities after retirement.
10. Decorating and Entertaining are Easier. Decorating a big house is expensive and professional help is often needed. When entertaining, guest may feel isolated and parties unstructured. By contrast, decorating the smaller takes less money and is easy when basic rules are followed. Also, the more comfortable proportions of the smaller home usually make for better parties.

Until next time!

Genevieve

Ten Tips for Raising Children in a Smaller Home

Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

Richard L. Evans Shortly before or after having their first child, most parents will utter the phrase, "We need more space. Let's start looking for a larger home." My husband and I did the same thing. Our first son was born when we lived in a one bedroom condo that was under 800 square feet. After we brought him home from the hospital, he slept in the bedroom, my husband and I slept in a futon on the living room floor every night. And this futon was only the size of a twin bed! We did this until my son was 18 months old and then moved to our current three bedroom, 1800 square foot house. I now have two sons and my oldest is 18 and leaving for college in the fall. So how do you raise children in a smaller home? Let me pass on a few tips that I learned from experience, as well as from a good friend who is married and has 12 children - that's right an even dozen - in a house no bigger than mine. Throw out the changing table. You do not need a changing table to change a diaper. Either change diapers on the bed or on a clean towel or diaper mat on the floor. I don't think I have ever seen a 1 1/2 year old lie still on a changing table for a diaper change. You will be saving money and space in your home. Babies and older children can sleep in the same room. Yes they can. So what if the baby wakes up the older sibling sometimes. Your older child will learn to fall back to sleep and babies like the company of someone else in the room. Children can share bedrooms. Contrary to conventional wisdom, children do not need their own bedrooms, they can share. This is what bunk beds are for. There is nothing wrong with two or three children sharing the same room. In fact, siblings tend to be closer when they share a room. My sons will talk to each other after the lights are out and discuss things they would never bring up with me. They also figure out how to solve problems on their own. Keep computers and TVs out of the bedroom. Put the computer and TV in the family room or the basement. This not only lets you keep tabs on what the children are watching or doing on the computer, but leaves space in the bedroom for the essentials - a bed and nightstand for each child, which leads me to the next tip. Keep furniture in the bedroom to a minimum. You only need a bed and nightstand for each child along with a lamp. This is more than enough personal space. But what about a dresser for clothing? That leads us to tip #6. Use closet organizing systems instead of dressers. If you organize the closet with space to hang clothes, as well as drawers and shelving units, you can do away with dressers and cabinets for storing clothes. I like the Elfa storage systems at the Container Store. Use the dining room table for homework. This is typically a space with good lighting, children can spread out and do their work and a parent is usually available in the kitchen or close by to offer help. Buy a nice book shelf and dedicate one or two shelfs for each child to store school work and books. This eliminates the need for a desk for each child and keeps children organized. Store toys in a nice cabinet kept in the dining room or family room. You can organize the different toys in baskets inside the cabinet. I know its hard, but try to get children to put toys away after they are done playing. Don't feel bad if you have to yell to get the kids to clean up. This seems to be a normal motivational tool. Adults shower in the morning, children bathe at night. This bathroom routine makes it possible for an entire household to function with only 1 full bathroom and a powder room. Just remember, the skills learned by children living in a smaller home - negotiating shared spaces, learning to respect differences - are the same skills that lead to success outside the home. Until next time, Genevieve